A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

A Reason:

When someone is in your life for a Reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

A Season:

When people come into your life for a Season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

A Lifetime:

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- Unknown

1. Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often. The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.
2.  Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.
3. Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
4. Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.
5. Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community, the wilderness or from a culture. It was not earned nor given. It is not yours.
6. Respect all things that are placed upon this earth – whether it be people or plant.
7. Honor other people’s thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.
8. Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.
9. All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.
10. Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.
11. Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.
12. Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life’s lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.
13. Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.
14. Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of ones will within this universe.
15. Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self – all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.
16. Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.
17. Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others – especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.
18. Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.
19. Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.
20. Share your good fortune with others. Participate in charity.

This originally appeared in the “Inter-Tribal Times,” October, 1994

You have lived your life to the fullest – may your soul rest in peace and your spirit continue to inspire many more in future generations.

Today, some of us may be experiencing an occasion that brought pleasure, happiness, honour and success…

But today, there are also some of us who are experiencing pain, defeat or disappointment with someone or something…

Throughout our life, we will experience different forms of joy and their opposites - isn’t it interesting that we seem to be conditioned to embrace only joy but not the opposites… but the reality is that life will always have its highs and lows.  So, really, what we have to do is to learn to accept the negative emotions and understand that negative (and also positive) thoughts, reaction and emotions are transient – there’s always a reason why things happen the way it did, so we really need not become overwhelmed.

If you can maintain this poise, steadiness and calmness of mind in every situation, you have achieved aqeuanimitas!

We often take for granted this face-to-face interaction and assume that true or long-time relationships (between spouses, friends, colleagues) will be able to withstand the trial of physical separation.  The truth is, physical separation between people does create emotional distance.

At the personal level, we often advise job candidates to bring the family along if they need to relocate for work.  While short absence of two to four weeks can make the heart grow fonder, long separation in reality only mean that you can only fall back on past memories and occasional phone calls/emails to sustain the relationship.  Not having someone that you care about close to you, especially when you might need them for emotional support can be tough.

At the organisational level, employers have also realised the importance of face-to-face contact between employees.  While video and phone technology has greatly facilitated meetings and discussions, nothing beats bridging the gap by meeting a colleague face-to-face.  Studies carried out by researchers at MIT University have indicated that office workers who chat with their colleagues face-to-face are far more productive than those who rely on e-mail, phone, or Facebook.

Similarly with friends, spending time and hanging out together allows you to create and maintain that close connection. Physical distance can create a wedge between friends.   Only when you come together can you continue to create more memories for the future!

After landing a great offer, there is usually a sense of relief and elation but shortly after that, a feeling of guilt starts to creep in just as you type the resignation letter…you begin to feel bad about leaving the company, colleagues and your team ”in the lurch”.

Without a doubt, the offer to stay on, more money and maybe bigger titles (although at this stage, they forget to tell you the expectations have also gone up) is extremely flattering…wait, there’s more to come – your employer will probably start rolling in the Big Guns, repeatedly telling you how much the organisation need and value you and you start to think, this is not a bad company afterall, maybe you should stay…

Now put yourself in their situation, what really is their motivation in making the counter offer?  It does not take a genius to figure out that most of the time, your employer is really thinking how hard it is to find a replacement, the impact on the revenues when you leave - honestly, do they really have your best interest at heart?  The truth is your resignation has already started to make them question your loyalty and wonder how long will you hang around…so even if you choose to stay, you can be certain that they will continue to search for your replacement, even without you knowing.  The trust level and partnership will never be the same again…

Coming back to yourself, are the underlying factors that prompted you to make the career change still there?  It is definitely not impulse as you would have taken months to think this through and finally figured a change is what you really want.

Leaving an organisation does not mean cutting off ties with your friends and colleagues.  Those who truly care for you will give you their blessings and on the contrary, you may well lose that respect which you have built over the years if you had accepted the counter-offer.

Trust your instincts – if it’s time to move on, leave graciously – people will remember the best side of you!

In life, there are many things that we have to learn to let go…it could be our house, friends, family, colleagues, our job, etc…forming an attachment to the things and people we like comes so naturally!  However, once you have formed an attachment, it can be a very painful experience when you realized that it’s time to let go. Even the mere thought of losing a person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.

But in life, change is inevitable and it is necessary for us to let go so that we can fulfill and gain a more fulfilling life path and experience.  Take job change as an example – if we do not meet new people or go into a new and more challenging environment, how would you then realise your full potential if you are stuck with the same job repeating what you do everyday?

Many of us are captives within our comfort zone -  refusing to let go of our usual way of doing things, beliefs and thinking.  Inertia and procrastination are no longer the roadblocks to your own advancement but the irrational fear of doing things in a new way and the reluctance to let go of familiar patterns and habits. If you are one of those who can do your job with “your eyes closed”, you have just become a prisoner of your comfort zone!

Indeed, going into the unknown can be pretty daunting but think of it this way, you are not really destroying your comfort zone but you are really expanding it by bringing in new people, thoughts and things.  It is just a question of time before new people, environment, things become familiar again!

You only live once, be the best you can possibly be - take that leap of faith…with conviction and mental fortitude, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It is up to you how you want to live this journey - discovering your true self and build the future you desire or living the journey with compromise.

I leave you with a quote from Carly Fiorina:

“In bullfighting there is a term called querencia. The querencia is the spot in the ring to which the bull returns. Each bull has a different querencia, but as the bullfight continues, and the animal becomes more threatened, it returns more and more often to his spot.

As he returns to his querencia, he becomes more predictable. And so, in the end, the matador is able to kill the bull because instead of trying something new, the bull returns to what is familiar. His comfort zone.”